She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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