I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
