My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Randomize
