How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
