I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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