Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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