ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
