Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
