you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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