Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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