I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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