He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
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i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
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Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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