They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
