The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
