I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
