Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
