the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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