this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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