Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
