I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
