Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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