all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
