I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
