Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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