just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
