R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
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you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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