I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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