the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
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I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
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Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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