ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
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Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
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I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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