I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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