she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
