Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i came on her dog
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
