honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
