dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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