It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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