C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
