I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I love you.
Bad choice
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
