Yo dont text me then not text me
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize