Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
