just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
