I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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