i wish peter jackson would direct porn
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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