So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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