Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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