Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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