i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
