my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
