omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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