No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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