after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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