Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
