Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
