Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
