i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
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There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
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