i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
