I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
