I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
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