nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize